Shady 3D

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“Coming to a theatre near you, in both 3D and 2D”. That’s the pitiful end to almost every film’s trailer I watch now.

Why? No, seriously. I honestly see no legitimate reason as to why anyone with a sane mind would be appreciative of this raging phenomenon.

First of all, how can you like something that has no identity? Something that is stuck in purgatory. It’s neither real nor virtual.

3D ruins that classic texture of a film that makes you cherish the entire experience.  The magnitude of the big screen, the picture on it with a characteristic smoothness and the feeling of your mind being transported to another realm. It pains me to see how it is all lost with 3D.

Speaking of pain, here’s my next problem. Watching a 3D movie is a pain in the neck! Literally.

Let’s face it. Those ridiculously large and heavy glasses effectively destroy the pleasure of watching a film and make you wince every time you move your face or laugh at something you see. And boy is it hilarious to take off the glasses during the movie just to see how absurd full-grown adults look with those clown glasses on!

Oh and god forbid, there are scratches. That would be the last straw. Especially after paying an exorbitant amount of money as a deposit for those worthless things that you don’t even get to keep for amusement!

Let’s go back to basics for a bit, though. Storytelling. Isn’t that what a film is all about, at the end of the day? A good script and how well it’s brought out on-screen? You might as well kiss that notion goodbye if you’re about to watch a 3D film.

The story is the very soul of the film and 3D kills it, ruthlessly. It focuses mostly, if not completely, on the technique itself and the plot is lost somewhere along the way. That is if any of these films even have a narrative to begin with. A gimmick. That’s all a 3D film seems like to me.

Also, if you’ve ever had the misfortune of actually watching a 3D film, you know what I mean when I say it makes the screen and picture seem incredibly dull! It makes you strain your eyes throughout, just to see what in world is actually happening! Such enormous effort goes into just that. It’s almost as if someone is trying to hypnotize you. It makes you dizzy, nauseous and gives you a headache after a while.

In-spite of it all, the virus is spreading. This manic obsession has also infested the TV world. They’re now using this technology to ruin TV viewing as well.

The charm of television, as I see it, is that it’s simple. It’s easy and arguably the best way to spend a lazy Sunday! Television should look natural, yes. And clarity is good. Therefore, HD (High Definition) gets double thumbs up from me. But who wants to wear an annoying pair of glasses and endure physical pain just to watch a bad film that you secretly enjoy? And that is precisely how I think 3D is tarnishing the one uncomplicated, inexpensive, mindless source of entertainment that’s at our disposal.

Well, ultimately I hope it’s all just a phase. What I do know is that I sure as hell won’t have any withdrawal symptoms once this fizzes out.

 

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